How Do You Know Someone Is "The One"?

When I put up the tweet in the facebook status that asked for you guys's questions one of the biggest ones I got also what the most likes was how do you know someone's the one and kind of fit

with that is how do I know i'm in god's will now I really want to answer that one because I also struggle with that one for years I would sit down and I would read the bible and I would open

and try to find exact passages to fit exact decisions in life and to be honest it kind of left me depressed because I could never find an exact answer I would treat the scriptures

almost like they were a fortune cookie and like a roadmap to life looking for this one thing that tells me about my life but my view has totally changed on what the scriptures are because I

realized they're not just little cookie cutter answers for me and my life they're actually a grand narrative huge story about one man jesus and how he redeemed humanity and how he redeems

people who trust in him and so when I started seeing that differently it started to change my view of kind of those questions and so the way i'd answer that question is how do you know

someone's the one now this might depress someone and this might you know make some of you like lose the disney type fairytale dream but I don't think there's such thing I don't think I

think you've watched too much disney and too much the notebook and read too much nicholas sparks if you think there's the one now why do I say that first is just logically if there is the

one then if the if a guy three thousand years ago married the wrong person who wasn't the one that means he must have tore down the lineage all the way down into history because he married someone

else's one and that person has to marry someone else's one and so it just doesn't logically work because if there's one and if one person messes it up then it doesn't work anymore and

secondly i've realized that it puts way too much pressure on the other person usually the girls the one that kind of has that idea of i'm looking for the one and looking for that perfect person

and what happens is you uphold this ideal that only jesus and god can satisfy and then you put a burden on that guy that he cannot bear and it crushes him no matter how good he is to

you no matter how much he serves you you want him to be even a little bit more just a little bit more do a little bit better and so the truth is for guys and girls out there it's not about

finding the it's about preparing yourself to be the one because a lot of times if we can be honest we're just lazy we want to find the one because they make our life easy they have all

the attributes that fit perfectly with our life so that we don't have to change or we don't have to maneuver or restructure our life but god actually says marriage which you know the

pre-emptive of that is dating is so it's to make us holy more than to make us happy it's about making us look like him and so I would say there's no such thing as the one you don't have to

struggle with the pressure of trying to think there is the one and that god's gonna get mad at you if you pick the wrong one and concentrate on yourself put yourself in church community

surround yourself with awesome people who help you grow and help you learn try to say how can I become a person that will better serve that spouse because what happens is if you believe

in that one then when they mess up or when they do something that makes you mad you kind of are a slave to them because you always react to it so if you believe in that kind of idol of a

person of a guy or a girl when they mess up but when you get in an argument you get depressed or you struggle or makes you sad but if you're resting and putting your identity and who god is

and how he's lined you up to be with him then when that person does mess up or does fail you because your identity is not in that person but in god you can give them grace you can give them

forgiveness and you can give them love but if you're attached to them as your identity you can never do that you always react based upon what they do and so you can have freedom to just

pick now if you're in unrepentant sin or you're not in church community then yeah you might pick the wrong person but I totally believe if you're in church community if you have a good

group of godly mentors people above you and if you're not in any unrepentant sin no secret sin and you're just being transparent and walking with jesus and bible study and prayer it's kind of

scandalous to say but pick whoever you want pick whoever you want I mean does it bother anyone that in acts chapter 1 the apostles actually drew straws to see who would become the next apostle

they trusted god so much because they were an intimacy with him and relationship with him they trusted him to pick who would be the right one and so I would say if you're in all those

things and you're just walking the journey with jesus pick whoever you want you don't have to have that because the truth is it's not about finding the one it's just about

treating that person with love grace forgiveness and mercy and you can do that with anyone you can do that this person this person or that person and it makes it takes all this pressure off

and all this burden off the relationship and the last thing i'll say on this topic is one of the worst parts about having the one or upholding a standard that no one can meet that

absolutely no one can meet because none of them none of us are perfect except jesus the worst kind of worst part about upholding that standard is that you miss good godly people all around

you you missed up you're walking by your future spouse every single day because your standard is so high you'll never actually find that person and so when you understand that god gives you

freedom to choose when you're living in community eluding and living an intimacy with him then what happens is you start to notice people in your life who might make a good partner to be on

mission with you to do what god has called you to do

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