Loneliness and Isolation ft. Gary C

Hi i'm terry i'm gary and today we're talking about loneliness and isolation a lot of people talk about feeling lonely or feeling isolated but what does that

actually mean there is a very big difference between being lonely and alone alone would suggest that you just haven't got people around you but loneliness

is something that transcends that like a disconnect with the people around you it's a disconnect with society as a whole I was recently out

with a load of friends and I felt like I didn't belong or I didn't deserve to be there and those are feelings that manifest and grow and they can feed

things like depression anxiety other mental health issues feeling like they don't fit in or you know feeling like they don't have any friends you might

be struggling with something on the inside and you don't know how to talk to your about it that could be sexuality gender identity disability you

might be being bullied for something there's so many reasons that it could start comparing yourselves to other people and thinking about what other people

have and what you don't have feeling that you're not part of something so friends of yours might be more successful than others people might be going on

holidays that you could never afford and with social media it's very easy to to watch other people looking on and thinking oh i'll never be part of that

and then letting that manifest as loneliness is really harmful thankfully I have surrounded myself with a core group of people and fortunately I don't reach

out to them that often because one of the main things you find when you feel loneliness you don't to be a burden to people so I guess it really comes

down to trust and who you trust not just in your relationships and friendships and family but in those people that you do with online it just is so

important when it comes to building a friendship and sort of just put in everything you have to say to them because you don't want to share your story

and then have it thrown back in your face if you maybe have trusted too easy yeah or maybe not put time into building up that strong trust and it is

thrown back in your face it will only lead to more loneliness and isolation it's the later self even in real life you still need to make sure you build that

trust and we stay in real life and we say online but it's all two of the same this fictional world that some people create is fiction and you have to

remember to root yourself in the here and now and that's one thing I would say to help of loneliness I think being present and try not to overthink or think

of the past or what's been and you can do a number of things to help with that some people meditation art therapy music therapy reaching out to friends and

making those sort of connections remembering that your feelings matter and that this is a person in your life you can trust I think it's a bit harder

when you maybe feel like you don't have anyone in your life you yes one of the main things you can do is to acknowledge the patterns of behavior that

are holding you back or at least contribute in to how you feel and thinking right and why don't have anyone in my life I can turn to but what can I do for

myself and I think one of the main things you can do for yourself is to try and be motivated because as soon as you let that slip like I slept through the

whole of last week so I am myself just starting to try and learn to do things for myself at least I tried it's also I think that is the most important that's

the key more you do it the more may be confident within yourself is stronger you become and then maybe you'll have the strength and confidence to start

reaching out and making those friends those friends that you can build those trustworthy friendships with once you've sort of established that you as a

person deserve to have friends because you do deserve to have friends try and make some connections with people and the easiest way is to find common

ground whether it's through groups or societies or whether it's their fandom on exactly what tv shows do you like what youtubers are you watching what films you

like what books you read you've got to find that community of people who are like-minded yeah maybe you're not used to you're shy you're not used to

talking to people yeah being shy is an issue but I think there gets to a point when you have to choose shyness and that feeling of loneliness that feeling of

emptiness and it can be very difficult to switch over but it doesn't have to be a leap you know no no it doesn't like feeling you have to say everything now

a good way is sort of asking small questions and yeah active listening because if you listen then you can respond to what they're saying and the

conversation sort of builds itself when you meet new people you feel like I can put in all this in i'm getting like putting all this emotional stuff in

what if it all goes wrong you know if it goes wrong it goes wrong people were people you you have to take a risk sometimes none of the people I know that live

really social lives are on lookers they're all doers they're all people that participate in life again as you said you don't need to take a big leap you need

to work on little steps do it gradual this is a lot harder for many of the people watching this that have searched for this sort of video and just know that

you are enough because that was the thing that sort of kept keeps me together I know that i've got it in me no one's gonna wave a wand and i'm gonna i'm gonna

just zip out of bed I need to get myself out of bed I need to make it happen there is some little glimmer in everyone you just have to look for it or

at least take a breather take a step back and and then go forward and now we'd like to hear from you let us know in the comments below what would you say to

someone who is feeling isolated from the people around them there's also loads of links in the description if you need any more help or advice about

this topic thanks gary for coming in thank you I hope it helps someone we'll see you next week bye you

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