DISNEY'S THE SANTA COZ- Christmas Sketch

And ma in her kerchief and I in my cap, had just settled down for a long winters nap. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.--- Must be st.

Nick.--- Now dasher now dancer and prancer---- bundle of toys--- merry christmas to all and to all a goodnight whats that? What's what? A rose suchak ladder? It's not a ladder, I said arose such a clatter.

I means, umm, there was a big noise. Now get to bed marvin. How do reindeer fly? They don't have any wings. Ferry dust. That's in peter pan mr.

Disney. Ok, their horns-- antlers. Whatever, their antlers let them-- they- they go through the jet stream-- with---- they're weightless. They're weightless yea but if santa's so fat like you on your bloated days how does he get down the chimney? He sucks it in like you do when you try to hold your flatulence.

Ok, but what about people who don't have fireplaces, huh how does he get into your apartment? Well, that's easy, it's simple offense of breaking and entering now go to sleep how many charges do you think he has? Has anyone ever told you that you ask too many questions? Yeah, my mom.

That's why she told me to give her some space and spend christmas at a friend's house. So you chose me. So I chose you but I make sure to tell santa that I be here so he knows what to leave my present.

Great. You believe in santa right? Yeah. Of course I believe in santa. Now look, marvin, it's getting late. I hear the couch calling my name.

Just go to sleep. Daniel, thanks for making me feel so welcome. You know sometimes I feel like i'm just not wanted at home so it's nice to see that I have a friend who actually cares.

Of course marvin. Now don't let those bed bugs bite. Wait, there's bugs in this bed! {V/o voicemail} I can't come to the phone right now. But leave a message and i'll return your call as soon as I can.

(Beeping sound) hi mrs. Madcap, it's daniel. Look I think we have a little problem. Marvins expecting a gift from santa tomorrow and I just want to make sure that there's something under the tree for him because I know that he'll be devastated and probably freak out if santa forgot about him.

So just give me a call back ---- also I know he can be a little temperamental sometimes read me a christmas story or I will pee in your bed. I'm pulling my pants down right now but he just really needs a chance.

He has all the right intentions I think. {Singing} we wish you a merry christmas, we wish you a merry christmas, we wish you a merry christmas, he better like this shirt.

Who am I kidding, he's just gonna keep wearing that same one that he always wears. I want a marshmallow sugarplum owww- ohhhhaaa I just heard a clatter. Santa? Uhhhh-- oh my god I cannot believe that that is actually you.

Uhhh-- ho ho ho oww yes its me, santa claus daniel? Noooo i'm santa claus daniel I know that is you. I can explain. See santa fell off the roof- the balcony oh, you were subject to the santa claus! I know it's a tragedy.

Poor guy, santa claus fell off the balcony, rest in peace no, no, no, no, no. Not santa claus the person santa clause the cluase what? A clause as in the last line of a contract.

Oh no no that's what this is i'm not a the santa coz! Huh? The santa clause just made you the santa coz i'm the santa coz. I'm santa coz well--- hope you like your new shirt.

Merry christmas hohoho merry christmas no i'm santa coz-- nope. No i'm santa coz- santa clause not coz {off screen} he sucks it in like you do when you hold your flatulence.

{Off screen} are you ready, take a breath. {Off screen} he sucks it in like you do when you hold your flatulence.

{Laughs} {off screen} we're real mature. A couple 20 year olds laughing at flatulence. Thats why I put it in don't even say the line cause i'm gonna start laughing {off screen} you go ahead.

You run it when you want. Aaaand, also why did I just sound like I was from vancouver wait theres beds in this bug? No there's bugs in this bed {off screen} go again.

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